Everything about living with Dare is about claiming your life and you can only start to do that when you start to become of aware of how your thoughts create your experience. This isn’t a new concept – it has been around for at least two decades in the form of intentions all of which never connected for me. I needed something more solid, less ‘feely’, I needed to understand how thoughts create stories and how stories create reality.
Think about it !
When you think you fall into a story, you explain to yourself what is happening, who the people are in your world. You don’t even think about your story anymore, that is just who you are, but is it ?
What if there is more than one story that could fit your life?
What if you are the one who gets to choose ?
Spotting Your Story
This isn’t an easy thing to do, but you can spot it from the words you use, if you take the time to start observing yourself. Do you find yourself repeating the same old tired conversations and situations no matter where you are, no matter how many times you ‘start’ again ?
One of the more popular stories I find myself getting dragged into is one where it is my fault. I said or did something that offended or insulted or upset the person opposite me and they are waiting, patiently for me to understand this and come fix it so they can feel better. They of course have no blame in the story as they were trying, really hard and then I came along and just stomped on them with no regard for who they are and the circumstances in their life. I just don’t understand or care about them. I am soo unfair. If only the world were a nicer, kinder place then they would be happy and would succeed and there wouldn’t be nasty people like me in the world. If only the people around them would understand and make a plan.
Actually, I have been inside that story, the one complaining as well. Go figure.
Changing Your Story
What would happen if you started to ask yourself, ‘What am I saying that is creating this?
Thoughts can not be easily mastered or even controlled, but you can choose the thoughts you want to focus on. You can always choose! When you start this process choosing is hard and uncomfortable and unnatural. You haven’t been taught this or shown how before. No-one has ever wanted you to own your thoughts.
Start with how you would like this to be. How would you like to be feeling ? Pick someone you admire, how would they react ? What would they do ? Now, what thoughts would you need to have, what story would you need to be telling yourself for those actions to be true ?
I don’t like confrontation. My ‘go to’ is always that I am wrong and need to apologise immediately which brings with it intense shame and humiliation as once again, I am not enough. The story I have to remind myself of is that I am also right. I have a world record that proves that I can choose who I am. I remember what it is like to be underwater where it is calm and where I own every thought and action. I create a story where I am calm and can listen without having to accept the other person’s point of view as true. I am able strong enough and confident enough to embrace another possibility and do not need to automatically accept the other persons world view as truth. In fact, part of my job in this situation is to give the other person the space to fully express themselves and listen and understand without imposing my world view.
If you are really battling go crazy with your story. I am a super hero in disguise – wandering the hall ways of big corporate unknown and unseen by everyone. This one always brings a smile to my face and a bounce to my step. I wonder how many other super heroes are pacing the hallways alongside me.
Moving Past the Resistance
There is always resistance when you start to own your life. The people around you are comfortable with your story, they have a place in it, they know how to react and respond. When you change it you create fear and fear always creates defense. I mention it just so that you can identify and understand what is happening. There is nothing you can do other than quietly accept that they are being faced with a choice of their own and that the only person who can make that choice is them, not you. Be kind with yourself! Be kind with them.
Keeping on Track
- What are you saying that is creating this ?
- What story would I prefer to be living ?
- What if the story I currently have is no longer true ?
Dare to be different! Dare to own your life! Dare to create a life you love! Dare to Live with Dare!